There is a post on social media about value… and you may have seen a variation of the post below; just keep reading.
A father told his daughter, “Congrats on your graduation. I bought you a car a while back. I want you to have it now.”
Before I give it to you, take it to a car dealer in the city and sell it. See how much they offer.”
The girl came back to her father and said: “They offered me $10,000 dollars because it looks very old”
Father said: “Ok, now take it to the pawn shop”.
The girl returns to her father and said: “The pawn shop offered $1,000 dollars because it’s a very old car and a lot of work done”.
The father told her to join a passionate car club with experts and show them the car. The girl drove to the passionate car club. She returned to her father after a few hours and told him, “Some people in the club offered me $100,000 dollars because its a rare car that’s in good condition.”
Then the father said, “I wanted to let you know that you are not worth anything if you are not in the right place. If you are not appreciated, do not be angry, that means you are in the wrong place. “Don’t stay in a place where no one sees your value .”
This is one such example about your value in life and in a relationship.
Never wait to be someone’s top spot. If you have to convince someone, they shouldn’t be your top spot.
With that said… it is easier said than done.
So let’s dive into relationships.
Common Relationship Red Flags on When He Isn’t Sure.
1. Trojan Horse
In her bestselling book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert, a writer who has extensively chronicled her own relationships, writes “I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
Is the person you are with really worth it or are you in love with the facade created?
This goes back to our own understanding of love and relationships from our parents and our earliest romantic experiences.
I think back to boys pinching me and sending notes in grade school with circling and saying like me- yes or no and the high school relationships that were hot and cold and unsettled. Only two were ones that looking back were healthy and one I never truly gave him a chance. Moving forward in life.. there have been some amazing people who just were not right for me. Know what you want and stick with that.
2. Expectations
Hallmark movies anyone? The Notebook?
Back to reality for a moment. Life can be fun, relationships are exciting, and having standards is a must. I used to have a list with checkboxes in dating and if you didn’t have the right score, I wouldn’t go out with you. Now, I am down to 5 things and am laughing because most people do not get 5/5.
Those 5 items are simple: 1. Have a living thing (pet, plant, person) 2. Living a Christian life 3. Ability to make me laugh 4. Value family and relationships 5. Kind and giving.
It is okay to have expectations and non-negotiables. Communication is the lens to which your relationship lives and breathes. If you cannot express your wants and needs, you cannot grow and you cannot move forward. Healthy self-esteem is expressing these items. If you have expressed the wants and needs and the other person is unwilling and will not try to work through it with you, then you should leave. You have the right to be happy and the right to be respected.
3. Recognize the avoidant behavior in situations, in the relationship, and in the ability to commit historically.
– I just got out of a divorce
– says not sure about moving forward
– still grieving the loss of a spouse
As a researcher, look at the history of said person as this can really help you decipher if you are wasting your time or have a decent chance.
A stringer is one who has had several long term relationships but never a commitment. If your person has been in 2 or more long term relationships without commitment – pay attention.
A narcissist is one who worries about his / her image, status, and your needs are never considered. They might be part of the same program for a bit but if it comes between you needs v theirs – always theirs.
The middle schooler is one who always has toys and games and everything they want is more important. They like movies, like to play a lot, but maturity and growing up is just not do-able.
The chaotic is one who always has something going on, is always behind the 8 ball in bills and is never caught up. It’s a bit like pig pen… always a mess around and can’t commit to a future because they can’t take care of themself.
The workaholic is a good provider. Spends time when it works but prioritizes work over all things. Hard for this one to commit because there is always an opportunity to work.
It is important to look at the overall situation; each is unique. It is also important to be prepared to walk away and save yourself.
Matthew Hussey shared a quote and I have used it a few times when you are not moving forward and the person you are dating isn’t sure or you need a way out! Copy and save below!
It seems like you need to go away and figure out what you want and be on your own for awhile. I want your happiness more than anything in the world. I just want you to be happy. So I feel like you need to go and be alone in order to figure out what you want and I hope that I’m still here when you’re ready.
Classy and to the point. Be prepared to walk away and as always.
Know Your Worth
Xoxo,
Heidi
