Letting Go of the Pressure to Have Kids Before 40

Create your own path. The trajectory of my life and path has always been a bit of choose your adventure. There is this enormous pressure in America to have kids before 40.

Interesting time when you realize that you are just not like everyone else. It is okay. It is acceptable yet everyone has something to say about it.

Working in the field of education, if I had a dollar for everyone who has asked 1. If I have kids, 2. When I will have them? 3. Do you know your time is running out?

I no longer have a reaction – who are you to say something about such a personal topic? No one needs a reminder – it’s not your circus and it’s not your issue.. stay in your lane.

I might start with the “why didn’t it happen?” Or maybe you were along for the ride on my journey so you know exactly why it didn’t happen or perhaps it was about accepting a different path – one that was richer in experiences and led me on a path that was not traditional for my age.

I mean spending summers in my late 20s and early 30s in Europe, eating my way through Australia and New Zealand, riding camels in Jordan and chasing waterfalls in Patagonia, flying a microlight over Victoria Falls, being eye to eye with an elephant, and standing on a pyramid in Egypt… waking up to fresh flowers in the Netherlands, picnics in Belgium, learning to sail and adventuring all around the world..I pinch myself and realize I am living the life I always wanted.

Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. There are times I wish I would have had a kid when I was in my 20s however I think and look around my house, my life, and me and think… I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this life….and to be honest.. just tired of the questions.

I am in my 40s… I am not sure what the future will hold or what it will bring me. I do know that people telling me my time is running out- isn’t changing anything. In fact, I feel bad for those who think that everyone wants to be like them… I don’t want to be like everyone else. Maybe someday… just not right now and that is okay.

Sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to live and to be happy. I am curious about what life will bring me and God always delivers what we need in our lives. I am open to possibilities and open to a continued happy life.



PS this is written for all the friends and people like me who are just not the typical path followers…we do not need “it’s okay, you still have time, or what’s your plan” – we just need to be respected and if we want to talk about it.. we will say something ❤️


A travel, home, & lifestyle blog written by Heidi Stevenson. Follow along for affordable ways to travel, sophisticated and savvy style, expensive looks for less for the home, and everyday style



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  1. 1.20.23
    Ted said:

    Great stories, I have thought about writing a coffee table book titled
    “50 Shades of Dating Hell”.
    I promise you for every knucklehead you have met there is an equal or crazier female to match your witless wonders.
    Ponder this phrase, uttered to me in a female Russian accent “You late, you pay”!
    The story is even better….

    • 1.20.23
      trendywithapassport said:

      I don’t question that at all! If you want to share a story or two – drop me an email trendyheidi@gmail.com – would love to add some balance! And I am laughing about the “you late, you pay” – I bet that was a fun evening

  2. 1.20.23
    Amy Maggart said:

    Love this post, Heidi! Totally agree. Sometimes I look back and wonder if a kids or two would have made things better. But honestly, I can’t imagine dealing with a kid now. The dog and husband and job are enough. Hope all is great with you! And totally not surprised you helped the date with choking- lifeguard training kicking in…

    • 1.21.23
      trendywithapassport said:

      Totally lifeguard training! Miss our days together!! You always had THE BEST TAN!