Dating in Columbus: A Series: Episode 6: Wait, Are You Married?

It’s weird, I have tried almost everything to find my person. I have joined Match, Bumble, E Harmony, met people at church, paid a professional matchmaker, gone out with friends of friends, met a person on vacation – I mean, what’s a girl got to do to find their person?

Yet, like Walt Disney has said

We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

When you go in a dating app, you specifically fill out a section called About Me. You state a few specifics and can omit anything you don’t want. You can also state what you are seeking.

This is my own information. I am seeking a relationship and I would like children. I am a woman. I am Christian. When it comes to what I am looking for: Man.

There are options on the app to add music you like, to add your Instagram – I have chosen not to do either.

So what does this have to do with dating? So, I am specific, I am not confused with who I am or what I want and I don’t play games yet some people are on the app for the wrong reasons.

At the initial swiping left mostly and occasionally right (for a match) what do you do when you see a friend’s spouse on a dating app?

What do you know when the friend’s spouse swipes right on you? It sounds like – really, are you kidding me? Of course not!

Do you respond, do you message your friend? How do you proceed?

It’s tricky – because depending on how you deal with things in life will probably be how you deal with this.

For those who know me well, I am a no – nonsense person – I don’t care what lane in traffic you are in or in the dating world (don’t care – bi, straight, poly, etc) I do not care. I only care if it impacts me. I want a monogamous relationship with a male that last long term with the possibility of kids.

I do not care what you want, what you want to date, just stay out of my lane and don’t lie, cheat, deceive, or play games. Simple – right?

Heck no! so in this situation, I am faced with options and choices and if I were in this situation, what would I want a friend to do or not do. I was not sure if I swipe right or not, because I don’t want an issue but also want to see what he is going to say, so that is why I Swipe.

I can remember a conversation my mom had years ago with a friend group of hers – she said in the group –

If you see Heidi or her brother doing anything wrong; driving erratic, doing something bad; I want to know. At the same discussion, three other moms said, please do not tell us. We would rather not know.

This is a situation, like my mom I want to know but others would prefer to be oblivious. So why do I care so much about right and wrong? Because it has impact. I know if I say something to my friend – she is going to first be like, oh he isn’t doing that or why are you telling me?

Some people put their head in the sand and live there – not me. I feel like you should know and what you do with it, is your business.

First, detective Heidi takes screenshots including the message asking me for dinner. (I did swipe right and I will explain why soon) – I see that the profile indicates divorced (he is not divorced) He links his instagram (it has a vow renewal on vacation in Jamaica from summer with his wife)

So there is a part of me like – dude you are dumb. There is another part of me like – am I being PUNKED?

The wife is on his instagram that is linked on the dating app Bumble – so why are you out with things?

So I do what I would want someone to tell me – I called my friend and said “are you in an open marriage or adding a plus one” she was like OMG really? I said I know we aren’t super close but your husband is on Bumble – I have screenshots and he asked me to dinner. Not sure what y’all got going on but I am calling you as my friend to make you aware.

So, I messaged the guy on the app and said – you have a beautiful family, it breaks my heart you are on this playing games. My friend deserves so much better.

He messaged back and said is that a no for dinner? Legit.

You never know what happens in someone’s marriage and I am clearly no expert – what I came to find out is that he had taken a trip a few years and got drunk and couldn’t remember what he did on vacation away from his wife and confessed to her – my guess, that was a cop out for cheating.

So there was a bit of drama between them and my friend got strength and left him. I felt bad for letting her know – a few months after they separated she said he was sneaky with his phone and they had some issues for awhile.

Regardless, it sucks.

While I am on the topic of this, it’s probably the like 6th person I have discovered who is actually married (not ready to divorce, not intent to leave, not separated, and not an open relationship)

Wolves in sheep’s clothing… the unsuspecting person believes they are actually single and they fall in love or make plans or an unexpected pregnancy and you have some drama.

I struggled with right and wrong and do you tell or do I stay in my lane and not say anything. At the end of the day, I sleep at night saying what I did to my friend; I sometimes wonder if it was the right thing but ignoring it might have worked… what would you have done?

Stay tuned for next episode – Cheaters!!

When I think about this situation – the song Eye in the Sky resonates with me. Listen to it here


A travel, home, & lifestyle blog written by Heidi Stevenson. Follow along for affordable ways to travel, sophisticated and savvy style, expensive looks for less for the home, and everyday style



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