A relationship is like a castle.
You find a plot of land that has a lot of potential.
Then, bit by bit, you build the castle.
But it takes work from both of you. One person can’t be laying the bricks while the other is home watching TV.
After lots of hard work, you’ll have something unique and ornate that belongs to you. You’ll have a castle.
That’s love.
So why does it seem so difficult to find people willing to make the effort, willing to do differently, and willing to invest?
The answer is simple and it took me a long time to truly understand….
Activation energy is the reason. Low activation energy.
When you have the Ponderosa smorgasbord of options – why choose just one person… why get excited about one person when you can talk or go out with 3 different people?
Our minds are not designed to take on so many options; so many people and so little investment in each person. At some point – it’s a blur and people blend together.
Zombie-ing, ghosting, breadcrumbing, unfriending, blocking, slow fading and orbiting are all the words… basically … the stonewall approach to not investing.
Ego entertainment and consistent lack of decisions leads to a life filled with so many options and little to no investment. Attachment disorders, passive aggressive behaviors along with poor communication lead to consistent relationship endings without the ability to work through problems, without navigating options, and without figuring problems out.
I think to what in this life I really want… and it’s simple… I want to be put first .. I want to be considered in all decisions.. I want a true partnership and I want to not fight for those things to happen. When it happens and I have to strive to be considered – the inner beast mode in me comes out like – what are you doing? The real me is sweet most days however that can quickly fade when I am fighting for basic territory. I thrive when I am able to be me and able to live… it sounds silly but for me.. freedom is a gift.
In mindset this week, it made me think of mountain lion moments – when your partner or significant other puts you at the top of decision making decisions – you live in peace.. when someone does not consider you – you go back to primitive almost barbaric behaviors to compensate for the lack of respect and consideration. It sounds funny yet is really true. Survival is innate in me and anyone who has spent a great deal of time with me knows I place a lot of value on my worth and being considered in all major decisions. If it doesn’t happen, I am not exactly quiet about it.
I like dating people to becoming exclusive – people feel like FOMO and I look at it as an opportunity to build something amazing – beyond surface relationship… apparently in the minority here…. I want my person for the rest of my life and to create an amazing adventure, have the life I have always wanted; yet so many people are worried about the other options…. What might be… hate to break this to you… you are in your 40s…. It’s downhill – it’s life and it’s realistic expectations.. water the grass you have… spend your time watering other grass… it will be better… the choices and the decisions impact everyone.
The dating process in your 40s is truly disappointing – by this point I should have figured it out and when I think I do… it’s like the Jerry Springer doorbell rings and something changes it. I refuse to get upset anymore about it – it’s life…
It’s been a week and last night after an instagram event – I came home and took a bath .. as I was sitting there my phone rang .. I got out of the tub and answered it – God heard my prayer… it was 9:15 pm and the other line literally said “are you okay” and I cried.
There are a lot of things in life – some people just know you better than you know yourself – so at 9:45 pm had ice cream at Graeters.. not how I pictured my Wednesday night – yet in that moment realized most things have little to do with me. God answers prayers and provides moments and signs when things around you are dark ….I hate conflict, I hate uneasiness and while I was dealing with some of that in my life… there were also perfect moments that let me see that the good I have provided came back to me in that moment 10 fold.
The dating game in general is disheartening and not fun… also not for the faint of heart. With that… you must manifest the life you want… dream the life you want and continue putting yourself out there – at some point, your person will arrive.
Xoxo,
Heidi
