So sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some.. not everyone is intended to work out.
I am a firm believer that you create and manifest the life you want and eventually the right person will come along …
When I was younger, I used to think you have one person in this world and have to find them – much like game theory – overtime I realize we are all faced with many options along the way. So many fish in the sea and you ultimately get to decide which path you choose.
Last summer I met a handsome guy in the medical field who I adored – he was the first person I have ever dated that had a little kid – like under 6. I have gone on a couple dates with guys with kids but this was the first of what I consider a little so I was a little apprehensive. (No pun intended)
I mean – I have always wanted kids so in theory it sounds good, I work in schools and like them , and actually thinking .. responsible for a little in the future … can you do it?
I decided at the age of 42, I would give it a chance and hold off meeting any little until things were definite because I know what it does to them and I know that Little’s actually grow on me and would probably fall in love with the little one… yes I do have a heart … hehe
So anyway, we met and took a walk; had dinner and genuinely had a lot in common. Family, backgrounds, religion, really – just perspective.
On the first date, he asks me out again for a couple nights later and agree. We go to Top Golf and hit golf balls and grab food there and chill. At this point, I am taking a trip to Cumberland island and we message a little while I am gone.
When I am on vacay, he makes plans to see me when I return – in which he wants to make me dinner. So this is pretty amazing – he wants to cook. This guy spends a lot of time working on Reno items in his own house; is super lovely and then enjoys woodworking.
Dinner was amazing and went for a short walk around his neighborhood and at this point tells me that he is not officially divorced. They have filed and it isn’t over.
Ugh… no baby mama drama – not loving this situation. He informs me everything will be final in a few weeks – shows me paperwork and it is finalization of the last bit of asset division – legit a thing.
So this causes a lot of pause because I like absolutes and what if he changes his mind or her mind or xyz. Anyway he is leaving on a guys trip to Florida so this buys some time.
As he is sending pics of his trip – low and behold my friend is in the picture… and I am like what is my friend doing with you?
“That’s my brother” sayyyyy what??
I said – did you mention me and he was like – omg yes and said “don’t mess this up” and I laughed. Known his brother close to 12 years and knew he had brothers but these two don’t look alike until they put hats on and I am like OMG.
So knowing someone’s family can help or hurt you – in this case… knowing the guys family – he isn’t going to play games or at least I don’t think so.
The fishing trip to Florida with the boys was the first trip for him to return home and head to a golf tournament within a few hours to meet with his college friends. He arrived at Rickenbacher at 11 and then had to be on the road to Cleveland by 1 pm. At noon, I get a call asking where I am – and I am at Polaris grabbing lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and asks if he can meet me somewhere for a minute.
I said – I can meet you in the Ikea parking lot and we can grab ikea chips and ice cream because I like it … he laughs and as a health nut in the medical field – I am sure that ikea food is probably not even part of a food group however good to find out how seriously he takes this food thing.
Pulls into the parking lot – picks me up and gives me a hug and kiss and spins me and then hands me chocolates and a pink rose.
Okay, the guy has game and it’s sweet – off to golf he goes for a few days. After his return from golf, things with the dissolution got uglier and now things are back up in the air and he says he wants to date but there is no end as when they get to an actual dissolution – it becomes an issue about something else every time they agree to be final….
He says I feel guilty about not being totally available, I thought we were done and we aren’t (they didn’t get back together but dissolution talks kept getting worse), and I need to finalize things and will give you a call.
I am a little bit sad, a little bit like – finish up your stuff and good luck.
Time goes on and a date here and a date there – almost humorous for a few months – 1 date wonders … anyway, sometimes you meet one you really like (this happened in January) and someone I have known through social media for years – and always perplexed, interested, and wondered more about… we start talking .. more in a minute on how this comes up in the text messages.
So the ghost from Christmas past returns (after 6-7 months) ….as I am in Chile right before boarding my flight to Atlanta. Legit.
Text message from Mark:
Hey, wanna grab dinner tomorrow night?
Text message from me:
Who is this? (Of course I know who it is but really dude- it’s been since summer)
Text message from Mark:
Mark, we went out 3 times last summer and I met you at IKEA
Text message from me:
Ohhhh the ghost from Christmas past – what has bestowed your greatness on me?
Text message from Mark:
I am really sorry about everything – my situation is worse now – we are getting divorced. It’s contentious and I went on a few dates with different people but no one was like you.
Text message from me:
Do you even know who you are texting?
Text from Mark:
Yes – it’s Dr. Heidi
Text from me:
To be honest, I am sorry you are going through a divorce now. I am living my best life and am talking to someone who is really great. Wild about him and he isn’t a project or confused about me. It took you 6-7 months to figure out that I was the best option and when it takes anyone that long – it’s a hard no from me.
I don’t like that you told me you couldn’t date because you weren’t divorced and yet lied – I don’t care but honesty matters. Obviously you were no where close to be divorced or dissolved so really should not have gone on dates with anyone, and being on my own is better than dating someone who is confused, unsettled, and entangled in a messy situation.
So it brings me to why you would now grace me with your presence? – none of which are good reasons in my mind: lonely, nothing else better to do, drunk, realizing all the historical mistakes in life, and oh .. the kicker
Text from Mark:
I have been thinking about you and told my brother I think you are my person and I messed it up. He told me to just call you and be honest.
My thoughts:
🙄🙄😑😑🤣🤣😒😒😢
Like this wasn’t even your own idea … oh my.
Call comes in from Mark:
Look, know you said you are in Chile. I am a jerk. I am sorry. I realize I want you in my life and even my brother agrees. I know this will be over soon – I can’t promise a long term relationship right now – I can promise I want to date only you.
My phone conversation:
I see that you have hit hard times. We have all been there when going through a divorce. You need a psychologist and not a girlfriend. I appreciate you reaching out and validating the connection – I also am in a better place in my life where I am not forcing situations to work out. I am not taking on projects at the moment.
For any guy to win the battle; it will take putting me first, including me and making me a priority and making me feel safe and part of their life. It also includes honesty, being able to commit to a relationship, and being emotionally available.
I wish you well on your journey. I will continue to pray for you. Thanks again for the validation. Peace.
Next morning text from Mark:
I am really sorry. Is there anything I can do for you to date me?
Text message from me:
The great loves of my life never made me question how they felt about me. You made me feel like I did something that pushed you away.
Text from Mark:
Look, I will do anything.
Text from me:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers and no contact from you for 6-7 months was validation that this was a bad situation and it still isn’t over … entangled is not healthy or good for anyone. Get divorced. Take a breath. Find who you are. Then worry about the rest of your life.
Text message from Mark the next night:
It appears you really are serious that you really don’t want to date me. I am a nice looking guy with a great family of which a few of them already love you and you not wanting to date me surprises me. Honestly figured you would be happy that I now choose you.
My thoughts:
Narcissism anyone? Dodged a big bullet
Text message back:
I don’t 👻 so I will say it again.
Not interested.
So you may read this and think – you are waaay harsh. Trust me it was warranted and all I could think about was Garth Brooks song : unanswered prayers – sometimes when things don’t work out … they really did ❤️
Xoxo,
Heidi
