Dating in Columbus: A Series: Episode 27: Former Mistress Is My Best Friend

Some people who read my blog and are single guys are like.. I don’t want to be an episode – well.. here is an idea. Don’t be episode worthy… or be unreasonable and you have nothing to worry about.

Picture in profile – from Google

Currently taking mindset classes about manifesting what you want and less of what you don’t want.. so I have been focusing on that nightly in a journal to offset this.

I really do want to find my person and if you have someone who is 38-48 and fits Heidi criteria- please send me a Dm. Laughing but not really….

So the title got ya right? For me too… like can you really say that out loud and hold a straight face? On the second date – that was the comment… oh my goodness…

A few years ago, I met Harrison, a MacGyver like engineer who was tech savvy and at 6’2” just resonated the dream body frame I have always liked. One may think I am being shallow – looks are part of the dating process ..and before meeting Harrison, talked to him online for about 4 months.. in todays world that is a really long time…

The qualities I identified and put my information in… processing for you in my world….and after only 2 dates …. And countless hours of talking… you put together thoughts – please note I was not thinking too far ahead but do list my thoughts of possibility (important to note that I am not delusional in this process… things take time so you never know)

Why do people do the things they do? Never thought it was complicated – you do what you think is right in the moment. There are the people you like… the ones that your head and your heart agree on and the ones that your head say is logical…. Regardless…

The heart always wants what it wants …


In this case, the guy was attractive in a lot of areas – intelligence, family, active in sports, has hobbies.. genuinely enjoyed talking with him.. always left wanting more time or interaction.

Visual Chemistry

As I said… tall, dark hair, thinner build, runner body, engineer, and easy on the eyes. When I think of what I like… the North Face jacket, the running shoes, and jeans – and a huge fan of aviator sunglasses .

Perceived Value

I could envision sitting outside near a lake and talking with him for hours or being in his presence and genuinely being happy.. I am the point in my life where I just accept you as you are and hopefully you are willing to meet me half way.

If you stay on the island, that we can create and build an amazing life that is fun, genuine, filled with adventures and opportunities. That life is truly a blessed road together…

The Challenge

He is a lot of things… the challenge here is getting him out of his own way – yet I can’t do it for him. He has to decide to make room for me and since he doesn’t know what he should do – is he even the right guy?

The challenge of all the fish in the sea – the track record isn’t this person really wanting to move forward with life or is this person just occupying time and wasting time.. .. not religious… this for me is a drawback…

The Perceived Connection

When we talk, when we are together – it’s lovely, magnetic and happy …

The are communication and consistency issues that have peaked their ugly head so I am not sure long term that this will work out if this is really him

When we are together, I feel a calmness and I feel a strong connection.


Yeah – can he do it? Can he legit make changes to make this work? Right now, no… in the future – maybe ? One could hope but sometimes you have to sit back and see what happens…

I am a GI Jane meets Indiana Jones / Tomb Raider girl … just take charge and do it my way… in the dating world…this is something I should not do… need to stay out of my own way and not bulldoze or push what I want… ugh… Heidi!


Harrison was a runner, was into building and creating things – house flips like me, and intellectually kept me on my toes. He was fascinating.. sitting at a table … hours went by and I was sad to get up and leave…likes to learn, intrigued by things and people and has an element of mystery.

This was powerful. Harrison was divorced and had a friend that he knew from childhood – Kirstin – she was attractive, short, dark hair, and flippy and flirty.

We always ask questions on why someone is single and what happens. As I listen to the divorce and reasons on them drifting apart; I can hear a lot about Kirstin in these conversations and it causes alarm bells in my head to ring.

Why is this person so close to you and why are you talking with this person about the issues and problems instead of your wife.. not a rocket scientist but pretty sure this isn’t helping… anyway …

Harrison and his wife divorced and the more I heard.. the more I cringed…. Let’s just say emotional cheating is cheating… and physical cheating is cheating…

So anyway.. Kirstin meets a guy right at the end of Harrison’s marriage and marries him about year after Harrison’s finalized divorce. She helped cause situations in a relationship and moves on – almost passive aggressive in his life and for whatever reason he seems to like that.

I am perplexed with – how did that all go down? What do I need to know? Why would this person still be your friend?

Then goes on to tell me that the husband knows they are friends but doesn’t know how close they were. Um – 🚩 and yet I am supposed to be like oh this is a great friend of yours.

I laugh even typing this as a complete illogical thought process and knows this is a recipe for disaster yet it is what it is lol I had a conversation about why this person was integral to his life – my personal opinion – he wanted her and not his wife; felt guilty and she got tired of waiting and upgraded to a version she thought was better – I don’t know all the details but my reality is my reality and based on the information after a few casual dates…

Sometimes when you like someone you have to be smart enough to keep on walking because some situations will involve a lifetime of heartbreak.

I sometimes think about what could be, what might have been, or what I want to happen but ultimately none of it matters.

What I learned a long time ago is some people thrive on deceit, lying, game playing and having an affair is like an addiction… they want what they want, they need what they want, and will do whatever to be in that situation. It is really sad but most of these people have an addictive personality and it is in a lot of areas in their life… not just one aspect…

We have to deal with – What Is. When someone values someone else over you – believe it and move on. Can’t change someone and best to let this situation go on. You can’t make people do what you want them to do and you can’t force something that is simply not meant to be…

Someone who wants to fix their issues – going to a psychologist, addressing the issues is a thing and actually doing what they say.. in todays world – just isn’t going to happen… I have a better chance of climbing Everest and let’s be honest…. It’s looking easier than finding a life partner ❤️

On the plus side… sometimes you have to know that what didn’t work out – might have worked out..; Read that again…

Anyone have thoughts on this one?

Song: Beauty and The Beast

Next episode: A Day in Europe


A travel, home, & lifestyle blog written by Heidi Stevenson. Follow along for affordable ways to travel, sophisticated and savvy style, expensive looks for less for the home, and everyday style



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