1. Know Your Worth.
It sounds so simple yet people do what they can get away with. In the last few weeks – I felt excited about someone – genuinely like they could be “the real deal” – come on now.. you can laugh like I am… not so fast… more suffering required first lol. You have to be a big girl and stand up for yourself – if you don’t, no one else will – be aware that you are not everyone’s tea and be prepared to walk away.
2. Be willing to walk away.
This was hard… the genuine feeling of euphoria, the feelings of new dating, and feeling like… maybe Christmas this year might include my plus +1
We all have deal breakers and things we can live with and things we can’t. I was tested and I stayed true to me in the last few weeks… ugh.. I didn’t want to… and have cried over it… better to shed a few tears today than to be a few years in with the same outcome – I need someone 100% in and not emotionally or otherwise attached to someone else
3. When someone shows you who they are – believe them.
If someone walks away or won’t take your call or ghosts for a bit or has excuses for behaviors. Be strong enough to let them go.
4. Keep Dating.
One of the mistakes I made years ago was to stop dating other people every time I went on a date. First of all, dating men is like herding cats – I typically can only manage one guy at a time but don’t give up your ability to meet others and compare unless you have gone out 5 or more times and have decided to make the relationship something.
5. Pay attention
This is a reoccurring situation lately. The girl who inserts herself into the guy you are dating’s life – the girl who has always been sweet on the guy and calls and texts all the time even when you are together. Be cautious of these people…in a relationship I had – there was a girl who texted, called and messaged at least 30 times during a night out. She was the course of arguments on a regular basis. Interestingly enough, when we broke up; they don’t message so much anymore… so odd really.
When someone says they want to be exclusive – go back and see if they really deleted their dating app – most don’t – they leave the door open. (Pay attention to this)
6. Priorities
I want the guy willing to move mountains for me – I have dated one of those in this life and would do anything to have one that is willing to prioritize me…
7. You should be having fun.
Meeting new people, having new experiences, doing new things. Theme parks, mini golf, hiking, cooking classes – don’t settle for the cheap guy who only wants to Netflix and chill. They need to earn that.
8. Your truth always matters.
I have been cheated on and it feels awful. Speak your truth if something seems off – you have literally nothing to lose. Being with someone who isn’t on the same page or jeopardizing your own feelings – turns out badly. Someone who doesn’t make you feel safe and secure is a reason to go. I want the long haul and cutting people who make my gut cringe is awful and can’t do it
9. Boundaries are hot
If you have a 24 hour rule of a date, stick with it; you want an exclusive, committed relationship before anything goes farther, is there something else that needs to be part of the deal – then say and stick to it. You are happier and healthier when you have boundaries as they foster respect.
10. You are gonna date a lot
It seems the pool for the most part is much like a real public swimming pool – gross, too many people to sort through, and lots of people just there to see what’s happening. Dating is learning about yourself and past experiences help you be a better partner
11. Take nothing personally
This is hard for me… I was talking to a guy this week who I really liked and we had plans, he cancelled; he called, didn’t text the other day, then calls and I have a true issue with something. I am not a mind reader or psychologist but I am willing to bet my view is 100% spot on and his is not – it doesn’t matter as I chose to walk away. just feeling sick as we could have been really great which has been a problem for me – I pick people with potential and not seeing them for what they are right now…
12. Hit the breaks.
Get to know someone before involving physical stuff. Getting to know someone without emotional ties like that keeps it much easier to cut ties. Things get confusing. The right person will give you the time and space needed – the wrong ones won’t
13. You attract what you put out there.
Be beautiful, be you, and open your heart and life.
14. The right one will be there
Whatever you do, whatever you have a meltdown about, the wall you raise, the right person will be there and will work through it with you. Be you. Have faith. Everything works out as it should.
15. Never grovel.
He walks away- let him. Do not beg for a second chance. If you get rejected, remember who you are and straighten that crown and keep walking.
16. Watch for red flags and pay attention
I am still salty about the guy I was quietly dating who had one major red flag 🚩- he wasn’t willing to budge and of course – this too close for comfort friend needs to go. Pay attention and run – and I did. I will give the details if I get 5 DM about what happened for me to walk away!
17. Slow and steady wins the race.
I am slowing down and being intentional to find the rest of my life.
18. Don’t settle
There is more than one person for us. Wait for the right one. Don’t spend too much time on someone if they are not your forever person. Life is too short.
19. Create a deal breaker list
Secretive about finances, Opposite Sex Friends who are too close for comfort, Opposing Morals and Values, Lack of Trust, Poor Communication, Not Wanting a Partnership
20. Kindness and Character
So – kindness and character should be at the top of my list. I need someone kind… in general, all the time.. kind and I need someone who is upstanding and has good character and is willing to do difficult things and cut ties when things are not good. Decisive and willing to create boundaries
21. Concentrate on how someone makes you feel.
As mentioned, I am salty about the guy I cut loose … I was hook, line and sinker for this person.. just immediately connected and just felt good when I was around him. The last 5 days, the tide changed and my feelings became uncertain, upset, anxious, and with no trust – that is a red light and caused major pause. Words and actions pay attention to both
22. Maintain you and your sense of self
Just because TikTok told you to wear a little black dress – doesn’t mean you need to. Stay true to you and be authentic even if it costs you this guy. The right guy will still choose you
23. It’s never too late to walk away
Read that again.
24. Pick your battles
I had a conversation with 2 ex’s in the last week to ask about this. Both mentioned that they never thought I had to be right and seemingly fight fair lol! Both also said – you didn’t argue much – communicated and tried to come up with a solution – I was getting reflection on my own areas for improvement – don’t worry! More on that tomorrow 😉
25. You can’t have something you didn’t have
Reference – How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days… I think I have this down lol. I end it and move on… ugh 😑 meaning… sometimes you make assumptions and based on the info you have you are “all in” unfortunately we realize we can’t have something that was never ours. Words are useless. Actions speak louder. When someone says they love you and their actions don’t support creating a safe place for you.. they don’t mean it. Some people use words like I love you to manipulate or create a false sense of hope… honestly have not had that issue with people using those words with me and it not being genuine however – creating a safe space is essential to long term happiness.
Heidi
