While there are quite a few dating apps; some are definitely easier to connect with people.
I persevered through some pretty sketchy profiles and Match eventually proved successful for me as I managed to start a conversation with a cute guy. He was very into travel so there was plenty to talk about. I was out and about with my friends at the time the messages came through and messaged about meeting at Starbucks later in the evening.
I’m trying to hold these connections lightly – enjoying them for what they are with no expectations of a future. You have to be present and take things for exactly what they are…
I meet Max at Starbucks and he instantly asks me my opinions on a few things. Let’s be honest, I am not going to shy away from answering – don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
I am always hesitant on a first date of whether the person is a serial killer or a potential axe murderer and it sounds funny but after many of these dating app – serial killers – it concerns me.
Okay, so I meet Max at Starbucks and he leads with he is a doctor.. we are happy that you are .. he is a chiropractor and jumps right into grilling me on my opinions of a few controversial things. As mentioned, you bring it up and ask me – I will tell you and you might not agree…..well ….In about 5 minutes… he went from being kind and I am a kind chiropractor to almost a crazy psychopath.
In Starbucks, Max started getting loud and mind you, when I see someone upset, I just shut down – I have no dog in the race and it’s not worth conflict in my life so why dude pick a fight in the first 5 minutes and then cry about it?
At this point, he is angry and I can tell I pushed buttons – mind you the conversation he brought up with religion and politics – dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
I am also smart enough when I see it escalating to stop, apologize for my enthusiasm and try to de-escalate until he started raising his voice, pounded a fist on the counter, at which point- I got up and realized.. we are embracing uncomfortable and scary. At this point, he says you will be fat in a few years as I walked away.
I have no idea where any of that came from – I obviously was not trying to engage in an argument and at the same point, realized that debate was probably not his strength. Name calling is something that happens in middle school and this behavior was a red flag in abuse..
Some people might have tried to soften the situation. This behavior especially on a first date was unacceptable – this date was a long time ago and as a much older and wiser Heidi, I wouldn’t really answer religion and politics questions other than surface responses now…
So after I walked out, I realized that I left my purse on the back of the chair and ran back in – to my happy surprise it was still there and Max went out another door..
I grabbed my purse and started walking out when Brady stopped me and said – I was about to jump in there … so who is Brady? I didn’t know him until that very moment and he said- you handled that really well… looks like a first date that went terribly bad. He said, I was actually worried he was going to hit you. At this point, my sensitive radar and concern I felt was very much validated by this nice looking stranger.
As I said thank you and turned to walk away, he said… you came out with intention to meet a single dude… and you are looking at one who would love your company and I promise – I don’t care about your opinion – I respect that we may not agree and I am not going to get that irate over petty things….. care to join me?
So I sat down ….
Next Episode: You have my undivided attention …
Song for this episode: Take Me to Church