Letting go is never easy and breakups are always the worst no matter what the reason is. Losing anyone is difficult and suddenly you live as if they were really never there.
In life, we all go through many transitions and many friendships; some last a season; some friendships last a lifetime. Be careful and do not confuse the two.
Someone who has your back, will stand with you through high school, college, marriage, divorce, and life. The person who is there as you navigate life and lets you never take things for granted or life for granted…that is a true friendship.
Many people never have a ride or die — the shoulder to cry on or the one who at the last minute will wake you up to share the breakup or newest concert ticket release or vacation deal.
For years, over 20, 2 best friends, in sync – travel, life, friendship, and it went from great til it was over. If I cried, you cried; if I laughed, you laughed- we have been through a lot. Different times, death, love, and loss.
I think back to the trips; multiple runs- you were like a sister to me. I never thought in a million years, I would be saying goodbye. I will never forget the phone calls after work or during work- I figured it was my imagination when the signs started appearing… slowly and overtime.
You would never do what I was told you did- you would never ask to travel and replace me with someone else on your journey. You would never lie and be untruthful to others around you. You were no longer the person I knew. It was a shift in our ability to work through things and to be honest – I did not want to continue a friendship with someone I no longer know.
At first, I dismissed the signs. I took comfort in the past memories, the laughs, the pictures, the movies, the dinners, the lunches, and the endless supply of chats… Sleep, reflection, and letting go was the best.
20 years of friendship- based on jealousy and envy – how did I not see it? What I realized is that God has a way of showing people for who they are and taking them from us when they no longer serve a purpose in our lives.
You were truly my best friend and looking back – I am so grateful for the good and with a smile on my face – I refuse to be bitter.
I am strong. I am capable. I am Heidi. I had the fortune of you exiting my life and me meeting two other amazing people who entered at the time you were leaving.
When you get married on my wedding day – I sincerely hope it brings you the joy and happiness that day did for me many years ago.
When you said you were getting married June 27th and you knew it was the day I got married – and referenced it – To be honest I was surprised considering it is a Sunday, out of 365 days the day you picked, and at that point – it was the final nail in the coffin of our friendship. With friends like this, who needs an enemy?
I pray for you and hope that June 27 gives you a wonderful day like I had. A day of dancing, laughing, surrounded by friends and family and although you will not have have Mickey and Minnie with you – I also hope that the envy, the jealousy, and the wannabe like me syndrome fades and you find your own happiness.
As I write my farewell, I am not bitter – I really just feel immense sorrow for you that I never realized how much you wanted to be me.
I pray for you and I am officially letting you go!
This is to all of the girls who have lost a best friend or a good friend. Just know that many people are part of your life for a season and only a few last a lifetime. There is never an ideal time to let go. Just know that you need to trust yourself in letting some people go! There is something cathartic in gaining peace and being free. It is never easy – to walk away but being the one who says goodbye .. there is some empowerment in that. 💫
Xoxo,
Heidi
